


Love, Tik-Tacs, and Ogres

by ToastSoBurntItIsBlack



Category: Despicable Me (Movies), Shrek
Genre: Dont tell me you havent thought of this motherfucker, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 15:39:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11535243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToastSoBurntItIsBlack/pseuds/ToastSoBurntItIsBlack
Summary: One day Shrek was out in his swamp. He and Fiona had just split up and he was rather down in the dumps so to say. Then he heard it.Then...things happened...





	Love, Tik-Tacs, and Ogres

**Author's Note:**

  * For [4chan](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=4chan).



> I have nothing to say for myself.

Shrek sighed as he sauntered aimlessly through his swamp. Despite how sunny, warm, and all around wonderful the day was, Shrek's mind was in dark places.  
Places so dark, in fact, not even Donkey could bring him back into the light.   
For the record, he did love Fiona and their kids. But, unfortunately, their marriage just couldn't work and that was evidenced by their fight this morning- the fight that lead to the ogre's melancholy mood.   
It all started when Shrek came home at seven. He had been out all night with Donkey, Puss, and Gingy doing whatever it was fairy tales did. Fiona was reasonably mad at her husband at first, but her complaints about his not-so-secret sneak-out quickly turned to accusations of cheating. Shrek was a hot headed ogre, there was no doubting that, but his response was rather harsh.  
"If you don't like it Fiona, then leave!"  
And she did. With their kids. With everything Shrek held dear.  
Shrek was snapped out of his thoughts by a rustling in the bushes beside him. Curious and desperate to stop thinking about the emotion hurt he was going through, the green beast peeled the brush aside to see a yellow tik-tac looking up at him like a stray puppy.  
The creature was dressed in blue clothes Shrek had never seen before and it was waiting a pair of goggles. It looked up at him with freakishly large brown eyes.  
"Doobadoob?" it asked, tilting its "head" to the side. Shrek noticed this horribly colored thing was shaped like a soda can and had no defined body parts, save for the spindly arms and legs.   
"What the heck are you?" Shrek asked, withdrawing his hand as the thing stepped out from its hiding place.  
"Babaa!" it roared, rivaling his shouts. Shrek stepped back.  
"What in the name of..." he trailed off as the creature began to run circles around him. Shrek could have punted the little beast so hard he flew out of the hemisphere and God, he wished he had because what happened next was the stuff his worst nightmares were made out of.  
The yellow marshmallow shed its blue clothes, revealing to Shrek that it was in fact male- and a well packaged one at that. "What on earth?" Shred yelled, although he wasn't quite sure whether it was because of the unknown animal's incredible penis or the fact it had just whipped its clothes off and was still running around him like a maniac, dick flailing majestically.  
Maybe it was both.  
"Banana!" he said, tugging on the ogre's pants. Shrek did the first thing that came to mind and he ran.  
He let his powerful ogre legs carry him effortlessly through the swamp and away from danger. Away from whatever the fuck that thing was and into his shack.

Shrek awoke in the middle of the night feeling cold. He felt around for the blankets and sat up when he realized there weren't any. He looked around.  
Where the hell were his blankets?  
Shrek got up, his nude body chilled to the bone as he roamed the house in search of something to cover himself with. He walked into the living room and was met with quite the sight.  
The same tik-tac from before was on his couch, viciously violating his blankets.  
Shrek couldn't help but yell like any sane person would.  
"What the fuck?" he demanded, making the 2 foot criminal sit up and lock eyes with him. There was an animalistic desire in the thing's eyes that made Shrek nervous. He began to back up as the yellow buttblug approached him.  
"Pappallava doodadda?" he asked seductively, eyeing the nude Shrek.   
Maybe it was what the thing had been doing to his blankets, the fact it still had a boner, that it was presumably talking dirty, and that Shrek was naked that made Shrek realize what this thing was after.  
Him.  
Shrek backed up in disgust.  
"What the fuck it wrong with yeh?" he asked, any filter that he had now gone.  
"Poobadube." It approached the oddly frozen man and began to caress his ogre cock. Shrek tried to escape but it was no use. The thing had him cornered and it didn't have any intentions of letting him go.  
Not once did it occur to Shrek that he could easily fight this thing off or step over it, he was too shocked by the current events.  
Shrek wriggled in place and began to pray to whatever could hear him for help. It was no use.  
In a second it would all be ogre if he complied, the tik-tac would be pleased and he would leave.  
Shrek had to be a man and prepare his bootyhole for a harder slamming than a prisoner's.


End file.
